My Feminist Legacy

Some of you have been ranting, asking for me to "justify" the Equality Bill.

The bill came as no surprise to those of you who read my blog regularly. I did mention it a few months ago. Anyway, here are

7 Reasons why the Equality Bill was needed.

1) My Legacy: Now that Labour may not win the next election, it is important that I leave behind something for people to remember me by.
Most people think it's just an addition, but actually my Equality Bill will replace all the previous equality legislation that has gone before it! Under the guise of replacing "complex legislation". Crafty old me.
History will be re-written and in the future, when little girls sit with their mothers in front of the fireplace asking "When Did Women become equal to men?", the mother will smile proudly, (with no mention of the suffragettes*), and reply "Harriet Harman Did That". I will be more famous than my favourite and most famous cousin, Neville Chamberlain.**

2) To increase my chances of becoming leader of the labour party: It really is quite tedious having to go through the hassle of getting elected and being qualified. Much easier to just change the rules so that a woman will be picked. Obviously there aren't any ethnic minorities who could even DREAM of running for party leadership or even (gasp) Prime Minister*** so there's even less competition.

3) To shore up my personal vote in time for the coming apocalypse: It is very important that I do something for the people in Camberwell and Peckham- most of my voting constituents as you know are female and occasionally black.


4) To end wage secrecy: Just for a laugh this one. Oh come on. What's the point of being a minister if you can't have fun with it? Haven't you always wanted to know what the person working beside or above you was earning!? I think it is important that people know these things. Unless of course it has anything to do with MPs pay and expenses in which case I will fight to the death using taxpayers money, even if it costs £200,000.

5) To avenge Jack: He was an abject failure, as Secretary of the Brent Trades Council in 1977 to win the Grunwick Dispute on behalf of the Asian Women. The least I could do was bring in a law that would help ethnic minorities and women without the evil boss dodging it by getting a favourable ruling from the House of Lords, full of stuffy, misogynistic white men.

6) To push through my all-black shortlists: I mentioned back in April the difficulties I was having. I did say I would think of a way to overcome the Race Relations Act didn't I? With any luck, there will be less obstruction this time. Pardon my language, but some of these minorities are f**king ingrates. I do them a favour and they feel patronized...as if they could make it without my help! Baffling! Sadly, not a single ethnic minority person even asked for this bill. As usual they need to be told what they want and when to want it.

7) To wrong-foot Gordon: He never wanted me to win the Deputy Leadership election you know, the bastard.
He has always sneered at women's issues and gave me the "wimmin's" department because he thought it would be powerless and I would be kept out of sight.
Heh!
And there is a lesson there for all of you who make the stupid mistake of under-estimating Harriet Harman.

Yes, yes, I know working with this new law might be very inconvenient for those of you running small businesses but I've never let that stop me and I'm not about to start now.
To be honest, being born into an aristocratic family, I have never had to run my own business and tend to avoid associating with tradespeople wherever possible. Most of you really are tedious, endlessly complaining about "red tape" and whatnots.


So there you have it, people. Seven, honest, true reasons for the bill.
Let me know how you get on implementing, okay?

*In your face Dunwoodies!
** What? Don't tell me you didn't know!
*** And so it should be, people should know their place.

Sorry!

Well, what do you know - I've been missed!
Thank you for all the emails asking for the next instalment.
I did not abandon you, dear readers.
My proxy server* broke down and I was very busy putting the final touches on my lovely Equality Bill.

I am pleased that so many people read this blog. Having said that, I am a bit worried that a good number of you come from the National Front and other white supremacist websites. Go away from my blog bad people!

Anyway, so much has happened since I last posted:
- David Davis resigned from his job as shadow home secretary and started snuggling up to Shami Chakrabati.
- We did very well in the Henley By-election, managing to beat Harry the Bear,Bananaman Owen and BOTH Independent Miss Great Britain Party candidates and I'll tell you now that everyone in the party heaved a sigh of relief!
- Some more people got stabbed in London and err... what else, oh yes.
- My EQUALITY bill, but more on that in my next post.

So yes, I'm back and will be writing more frequently as from now on.
Remember, if you're having trouble knowing when to check for updates...
Look to the sidebar on the right---------> and SUBSCRIBE TO THE FEED.






*Not that I know what that is of course!

Readers Letters #1

As you might have guessed, I get a lot of letters and emails from my fans. Most of them are not worth responding to, however occasionally, I will waive this rule, if I am bored or angry enough, or if the person is really, really nice. I will share my correspondence with you as often as I can.

Today's letter comes from my No. 1 Fan*

9th June 2008

Dear Harriet,
I nearly choked on my cornflakes this morning, reading about your imbroglio with Fathers 4 Justice. The ignominy!

I fully sympathise with your plight, it must be hard being Harriet Harman. I am so impressed by how in the last 3 months, you have single-handedly proved New Labour's commitment to this country's security. First of all, a thorough understanding of electronic security measures before the introduction of ID cards as aptly shown by your choice of such a secure password.
Secondly, you marvellously set a good example on the effective tackling of personal security issues, by wearing a stab vest in your own constituency. Finally yesterday, a clear demonstration of how well versed in anti-terrorism procedures our most important government officials must be, judging from the great difficulty, those 2 men in their costumes managed to climb onto your rooftop without rousing you from slumber! Presumably you left the front door open so they could get in without making too much noise...ingenious.

I do hope that you continue to grace the front page of my newspaper with your zeal and efforts. The Labour Party is lucky to have you.

I remain,
Yours Ever
Marina Ehrhart


So kind isn't she?


Dear Marina,
Thank you for your kind words. I do think you are being over-generous, at least one of those above incidents was regarded as a pretty monumental cock-up on my part, but if you didn't notice, then probably no one else did either, so shhhhh and tell no one!
It is nice to know that I have some fans out there and your emails are always appreciated. Please keep writing and let me know what initiatives and ideas you would like to see from me and the Department for Equalities and whatsits (I keep forgetting the name). Your suggestions are always welcome, especially as I have recently run out of new schemes to implement.

Best Wishes,

The Right Honourable, Harriet Harman QC MP
Leader of the House of Commons
Minister for Women
Minister for Equality
Deputy Leader of the Labour Party
Chairwoman of the Labour Party
Devoted Wife and Mother.


*I am judging from the frequency of her emails. To be honest, I can't tell if she's a real person or not. Best to err on the side of caution.

Rooftop Terrorist is still there

Grrrr.... It is Monday and the the rooftop terrorists are still there. I am now officially homeless. Unbelievable. All of Herne Hill is a buzz and my neighbours at number 22, keep pointing and laughing. These Fathers 4 Justice people really are taking things too far.

Some advice would be handy at this point. What would you do if you were me, dear readers, if some nasty oiks* climbed on top of your roof and started messing about?

I mean, HOW DARE THEY!? Jack of course, is completely useless in these situations **.

Ordinarily I would call the police, but as you can see from the picture, they are already there and doing sweet fanny adams.

It is amazing what our police service has come to. In the good old days, they would have climbed the roof, clobbered the intruders to death with a truncheon, doffed their bobby hats with a "'twas an 'onour to serve, my lady" and i would have tipped them sixpence or if they were lucky, a shilling. Now thy just stare at me gormlessly, muttering something about the Human Rights Act!

In the meantime, Jack and I will be awaiting your advice during our brief stay at the Ritz... ON EXPENSES.


*One of them is a driving instructor for goodness sake and the other is a stonemason!
**He only gets tough when he's part of a big gang, organising a strike somewhere and the other person is hopelessly outnumbered. Put him in a one-on-one situation and he'll wet himself. I know for a fact that I have kicked more ass than Jack.

Fathers 4 Justice on my F*@!$%ing rooftop.

A mysterious group called Fathers for Justice have broken into my house and are bouncing about on my rooftop as I blog.

The horror of it all!
Luckily I am not at home, but in our more secure house in the countryside away from the rabble of South London (spit!).

This has completely justified my £200,000 legal bid* to keep MPs expenses private as I said on the politics show.
Publishing our addresses is a bloody security risk!

Yes, yes I know it would be very easy to find out that I lived on Winterbrook Road without having to dig into my expenses -my gobby neighbours at number 22 and 26 have seen to that! Although one can't blame them as it isn't easy living next to a celebrity especially one as posh as me. Sigh.

But anyway, why are Fathers For Justice attacking my home?
Probably because I opposed the new measures to make sure they will be named on their children's birth certificates?
If so, well what can I say? It never ceases to amaze me how ungrateful people can be**.
I am merely trying to spare poor children the embarassment of being associated with an undesirable father. There are many people who for instance would rather not have it known that their father was a Tory MP, or had been to prison, or even worse...both. Yes I do mean you, Jonathan Aitken. Look at the damage he has done to poor Victoria, who is now a table dancing rapper and was last seen shaking her bootie on a hip-hop video. What has Fathers 4 Justice got to say about that, eh?


*It failed, but no need to worry about me as it was taxpayers money so I'm alright, thanks for asking!
** 'Tis a well known fact that the greatest prophets such as myself will alway be rejected by their own

Most Influential Woman?

I heard yesterday that the independent has released a list of the top 10 most influential women and I was in it! So I rushed to the Herne Hill newsagents to buy a copy of the paper before it was sold out, only to find that I was not number 2, but number 8.

So who do they think is the most influential woman in the country? The Queen. Bollocks to that, I say. We're talking about a woman who only deigns to speak to her "subjects" once a year on Christmas Day when they most likely won't be listening anyway.

And number 2, dare I even speak the name of the he-monster that was Margaret Thatcher. The woman can't even speak, let alone stand on her own two feet, and she hasn't been in power for 18 years!! How could she be more influential than a living, breathing, legislating Harriet Harman? It makes me ill.

So at least I'm number 3 right? WRONG. I am still beaten by JK Rowling, a kiddie novel writer, Posh Spice (fair enoug)h, Shami Chakrabatty who bizarrely is more influential by doing the job I held 28 years ago, and Elisabeth Murdoch who only got there because of her family connections.

So I come in at number 8, just pipping Cherie Blair (how? how?) and Zaha Hadid who I'm sure none of you have even heard of.

What a load of Bollocks.

Where has Harriet Been?

Sorry for not making any updates at all in the past week. I'm a busy woman you know!
Besides, parliament was in recess, (again!) and that means that we MPs should be taking time off from our usual activities including blogging.
So, 10 points for whoever can guess what I've been up to this past week.

a) Trying to raise funds for the Labour Party* before it bankrupts me
b) Gathering up supporters to oust Gordon
c) Crushing Crazy Nadine's dream of being an influential politician
d) Sorting out my £23,000 payrise,
e) Recovering from the Crewe and Nantwich disaster.
f) All of the above.

*Seriously

Boo and Sandwich

Everyone is talking about Crewe and Nantwich -yawn.
You probably haven't heard, but there is a by-election happening there, tomorrow.
It shows how inexperienced Labour is at running campaigns. They should have got me, winner of the 2007 Deputy Leadership election to do it. Instead they played the toff card. A big no-no and trust me, my Uncle was the Earl of Longford, never never talk about toffs. It always comes back to bite you in the ass.

Personally, I blame the problems on Gwyneth Dunwoody.
She should have named her daughter "Gwyneth" instead of Tamsin or Moyra*
That way people wouldn't have noticed it was someone else running.


Most people are forgetting that she spent her last years voting against government bills with the Tories. Gwyneth was a selfish old biddy, always putting herself and her constituents before the Labour Party. I bet she was a double agent and the loss of that constituency will make no difference whatsoever.

*Good Heavens, What was she thinking!
**BLOGGING MAY BE LIGHT TILL THE WEEKEND - PLEASE BEAR WITH THE INFREQUENT SERVICE.

Naomi Campbell rescues the Labour Party

Being a leader often means coming up with innovative solutions to difficult problems.
I'd been thinking about how to fix this temporary dip in the polls and then it struck me...what Labour needs is a celebrity. Someone who can shore up our core vote and is a good role model for kids. So I looked in the phone book for a talent agency and asked who they could rustle up as quickly as possible. We were in luck. It turned out that Naomi Campbell is on bail for assaulting a police officer and would happily get out of bed for less than £10,000.

Female Vote - check
Black Vote - check
Tall Vote - check

So, I told Naomi on the phone that if anyone asks what she was doing there, she should just say "Women's Health Issues" -easily the most uncomfortable topic for aggressive male journalists. I also told her to say something nice about Gordon, something surprising like "he's a barrel of laughs" or " very jolly". Just watch the video to see how well she does



Naomi and Gordon have lots of things in common. She has been to anger management and he is known to get into fits of indescribable rage, so they got on well together and she gave him a couple of tips . She might even have given style advice to frumpy Sarah Brown while she was there.

When the world is beating at your door with a recession, inflation, tax palavers, housing issues, climate change, godawful election results and a suspiciously inconvenient by-election, Naomi Campbell is just the pick-me-up we need to take everyone's minds off the problems.

Besides the only other option was to go with Hazel Blear's idea An Apprentice/Maria/Strictly Come Dancing show starring Gordon, which I thought was completely bonkers - everyone knows Gordon can't sing or dance!* It just goes to show that when it comes to the Labour Party, truth will always out-parody fictional spoofs.

*or be in a competition where he's not the only contestant

Harriet Harman looking good

Yesterday someone took a picture of me while I was day dreaming about when I become Prime Minister. Don't I look smart and cute? Certainly a lot better than Jacqui Smith, who was struggling to pay attention to what Gordon was saying and is getting more haggard looking by the minute. The poisoned chalice position of Home Secretary is clearly taking its toll.

At least she's started covering up her cleavage a bit now. Personally, I think the only reason Jacqui ever got noticed was because she stuck her 36DDs out, very vulgar and totally deserving of that caricature on Headcases.

Speaking of which.. I wonder when they'll do me. Surely I am important enough to have someone spoof me by now?

Aunty Diluvian

I know you're wondering where I've been.
Undercover, that's where. It's a dangerous time to be a member of the labour party. We are not popular at all, not even with ourselves.

I really need to blog about something else other than Labour issues right now which are just too depressing. Something that will cheer me up. Hmm... Let's see.. How about Nadine Dorries? She's always good for a laugh. "Who?" I hear you ask. Exactly.

Nadine is a backbench Tory nobody (who as my constiutents would say, "thinks she is all that"). Whenever people complain about the poor quality of female labour MPs, I point smugly at the crazy lady sitting on the Tory benches who single-handedly makes us look like the army of competent intellectual professionals we know ourselves to be.

Yesterday, Nadine complained that another Tory MP, John Bercow, used BIG words that she didn't understand like p-r-e-j-u-d-i-c-e-d and then continues:

Antediluvian isn’t a word you hear much on the housing estates across Britain, so I had to ask what it meant*.

Well Quite. My personal experience is that you don't hear many words on housing estates, people there prefer to communicate by a series of grunts and growls.
I think it is rather rude of Nadine to speak ofthe working classes -her own people, in such a fashion. Perhaps someone should tell her that a housing estate is not the best place to go if one needs to improve one's diction.

It is shocking though. This is a word that is used many times in parliament. We tend to use a lot of big words in the house you know. It's not a place for illiterate old nurses. Clearly, she should have checked her dictionary during the debates then, not just assumed we were talking about some MP's relative! At least she she had the good sense to finally ask someone yesterday, even though she still got the meaning of the word wrong.

Before a flood apparently

No, Dear. Before THE Flood. Not just any flood, or all floods, Nadine. Sheesh.
Presumably now she thinks that John Bercow was referring to her as something that happens before a flood -A sort of giant sandbag perhaps?
She then uses the word 5 more times (practice makes perfect!) although never seems to quite grasp its meaning.

The good thing though is that unlike me, Nadine does not allow comments on her blog, which means that no one will be able to correct her and we can all have a good laugh for a while. Yes Mid Bedfordshire, read it and weep. This is the woman YOU voted for, who represents your views in parliament. Remember that next time you write a letter to your MP and use simple words or textspeak.

*Will someone please get the woman a dictionary for Christmas? It is too risky letting her "ask somebody".

In Peckham Today

Today is Friday, which means instead of leading the House of Commons, I have to be in my constituency talking to residents there who have problems. Shudders.

A complete waste of time as everyone knows they will vote Labour anyway.
The caseload is unusually high as well.
They must have seen me on BBC last week, saying how "determined I was to listen".
I wasn't talking to you, Peckham!

Boris's new Crony.

Now that our Minister for London (yes that's you Tessa) has completely ballsed up the london elections and handed the mayoralty to the Tories on a silver platter, I am effectively the last London Labour MP standing*. Diane Abbott has been slapped down and Kate Hoey, aka "Bonkers" didn't even wait for the results to be announced before jumping on the Boris Bandwagon.

The Labour Bloggers** and myself are now what's left of the London opposition to Tory Mayor.
Sigh.
Leading from the front is Bob Piper who has just discovered that Boris has hired a black person to be his Deputy Mayor. Yup, you read that right - Ray Lewis, a black person!
This is a shamelesss hijacking of Labour Party policy if I ever saw one. Everyone knows that Black people are a Labour thing.
I never thought the Tories would stoop so low and as Bob points out, this is cronyism of the worst kind - Look at the way they're hugging for goodness sake!

Just as he was announcing that he wants the focus of his mayoralty to be on youth gun and knife crime. One of the inconsiderate shits in my Peckham constituency decides to go and get himself stabbed to death. An altogether rather convenient death, wouldn't you say? No doubt organised by the Tory mafia!

*Yes I know there are other London Labour MPs, but you can't remember any of them can you? Exactly. Neither can I. QED.
**those of them that have regained consciousness and not living in denial

Harriet Harman's Blog...

...is back up.

God help us.
I wonder what the new password is.
Whoever is writing it, is not even bothering to blog properly anymore. Just a to-do list of what I'm doing each day such as trying to solve the terrible problem of young people hanging around an estate.

Speaking of which, someone has cunningly noticed my little white lie on Adam Boulton's show last week. Any excuses...? Like i said before When all else fails, act girly and stupid and people will go easy on you.

I really should write a book about survival tips for a long-term political career.

Reassuring Party Members - A letter from Harriet

I sent the following email to Labour party members during the chaos. Gordon really should have been writing it, but we didn't want to make things worse. You need someone who is able to write with plenty of meaning hidden between the lines. I have filled in the blanks for you below.

A heartfelt thank you to all party members and party staff who worked so hard in the elections on May 1.
Dear Peasants.. I mean Comrades! Thanks for nothing, which would have been better than your half-arsed campaigning efforts on May 1st.

Congratulations to newly elected and re-elected councillors and Greater London Assembly members.
However, Congratulations to those of you who probably stood unopposed or at least managed to escape the slaughter and carnage by rigging the postal vote system.

It was good to see the gains that we made, including in Slough, Liverpool, Ipswich and Oxford and the increase in our vote for the GLA in London.
It was good to see that there are still some people out there who will vote for a donkey as long as it wears a Red Rosette.

But it was a tough night for the party in Wales, and in England And I want to pay tribute to our council leaders and all our councillors who lost,
To the losers who think that the night was tough, think again. We will probably be obliterated in the next general election and you can kiss goodbye to any hope of a peerage or parliamentary career or any advancement in Labour Party politics and all the perks that would have awaited you

and to Ken Livingstone who did so much in improving policing, housing and securing the Olympics
and to that odious little man who thought he was the Emperor of London, whose improved policing now means I can't go into my own constituency without a stab vest, and getting London the Olympics which are now costing £100 billion instead of £1 billion * and which your grandchildren will still be paying for 2062., Good riddance!

This election was dominated by the economy and it is clear that people are feeling the pinch.
The election was dominated by the fact that we removed the 10p tax band, to make things easier for the middle class and boy did those working class oiks feel the pinch!

As the Prime Minister said, "We have to listen as well as lead", this means listening widely and responding wisely.
As the Prime Minister proudly repeated the hypnotic meaningless guff that I taught him, remember that we are NOT a listening party, why? BECAUSE WE KNOW BEST! However as long as we TELL people that we're listening, then that's alright.

One consequence of the results of Thursday's elections is that there will now be closer scrutiny of what the Conservatives are proposing.
One consequence of the results of Thursday's elections is that there are fewer footsoldiers to deliver our leaflets in the next election.
People will have no choice but to read the Tory leaflets. Sh*t.

We will now step up our attack on the Conservative Party.
We will now step up our attack on them with the few wounded troops we have left.
As long as people remember that they are nasty and racists, we can continue to put up donkey candidates i.e you, my beloved comrades and keep winning elections.

Our values are clear and our commitment is strong.
Our values are clear enough and our commitment to remaining in power come hell or high water remains strong.

Working together we will make progress for the hard working families of Britain.
[EVIL LAUGH]
We haven't made much progress for the hard working families of Britain, but keep voting for us as we're working on it.
It is always darkest before the light at the end of the tunnel .

Thank you so much for your support
Best wishes,
Harriet Harman
Deputy Leader of the Labour Party
Thanking you for your support in advance of the upcoming leadership election.
Best Wishes,
Don't forget to vote for Harriet Harman as Leader of the Labour Party after conference... YOU KNOW IT'S GOING TO HAPPEN DON'T FIGHT IT!

*although that's partly Tessa's fault to be fair

Rising from the Ashes

I'm sure you don't need to ask where I've been these last few days.On the plus side, at least we won back Slough council!

I've been doing the rounds from studio to studio and comforting our people on the ground. After the scale of Thursday's election disaster, only a woman could do the damage limitation for Labour properly.

In testing times, people want someone to soothe and calm their nerves. Can Hazel soothe? (HA!) Can Jacqui soothe (don't think so!) err... who else is left? That's right. NO ONE. They should call me Harriet "Soothing" Harman.

Useless Gordon, wheeling me out at such an ungodly hour, 7:30am for pity's sake to make excuses for him while he cowered behind his desk.
I received an anonymous text while I was on air. "Do you have any idea how nauseating it is to have to listen to you say over and over and over again that Labour will be "more focused on listening to people and more in touch". The cheek! To be fair, I'm not sure anyone bought that rubbish. What Labour has to do is "listen and learn"?
What we really need to do is dump Gordon and get someone who isn't so bloody weird e.g. me.

Imagine it. If Gordon resigns... I would become by default, Britain's first female Prime Minister.

Don't worry though. I gave Macavity a piece of my mind and got him out there to face the music with his favourite interviewer Andrew Marr who doesn't have the balls to ask him tough questions. It did not go well. Clearly Marr's Dr. Jekyll wasn't in the building and left Dr. Jekyll to man the studio. Dear, oh Dear. Easily the most humiliating interview Gordon's ever had to do. Talk about kicking a man when he's down. Sick Stuff. At least Paxman is consistent!

Sometimes I almost feel sorry for Gordon, he had absolutely no idea what he was getting himself into, but I mustn't grumble as his loss is my gain. People would be crazy not to make me leader after the hash he's made of things!

I admit I have been giving Gordon lessons (out of pity of course) on how to deal with Cameron at PMQs, My "I will not take lessons from so-and-so" riposte has been working a treat, although I don't know if it is going to work this Wednesday. No line is fool-proof when you've got the lowest share of the vote for Labour in over 40 years. Tomorrow I will be sitting as far away from Gordon on the front benches as possible. It's the sensible thing to do.

The Three Ages of Female Tory MPs

I'm back!*.

Just stumbled on fresh-faced, blonde Tory candidate Charlotte Leslie's blog on The Guardian's Comment is Free.

It's a pretty humdrum blog, although on reading it, I can tell from my 26 years experience as a parliamentarian that Charlotte is a crazy in the making. The pretty ones always are :-(

Shame though. As any seasoned political observer knows there are only 3 ages to the female Tory MP -Babe, Junior Minister, and "Nadine Dorries". No one stays a babe for very long and others like Nadine manage to skip the whole ministerial thing and jump straight to Medusa.
Surely a fate worse than death.
Yes I know most of you are thinking, Nadine Dorries.. who?
I should explain, but where do I start?
Sigh.
More later.


*apologies for the late blogging. Only just recovering from traumatising Austrian father incest disgusto story. What is with those people and their bloody cellars anyway? Will take a while to shift those images from my brain which was unable to think of anything worth blogging about for a good 12 hours. That's the last time I read the metro in the morning!

Quote of the Day - 28th Apr

writes the headline titles>
In the middle of a very long and rambly post.


I guess the point is that the cotton bag gives the impression that it is doing good, when in fact it is not - like the Common Agricultural Policy, Greenpeace and Harriet Harman. - TrannyFattyAcid

Harsh. ..not that I ever liked Greenpeace.

On Conspiracy Theories

It's amazing how quickly a conspiracy theory develops.
Never mind that I've been blogging on and off since February about all sorts of things, some rather desperate people at StopBoris seem to think it was all a pre-planned right-wing conspiracy to boost Boris in the polls.
Raaaaaaaiiiiight.
You give the Boris campaign too much credit, methinks.

Only one person comes dangerously close to the truth here... clever, clever. Must watch out.


I can tell they are desperate from their website colour scheme.
It looks like someone has been hacking at Boris with a meat cleaver.
These people don't want to stop Boris, they want to kill him.
Good Luck with that!

I am reminded of a great quote by Thomas Sowell, who as most socialists realise is an apologist for all evil who mostly talks rubbish but occasionally he comes out with some good stuff

One of the reasons for conspiracy theories is an assumption that people in high places always know what they are doing. When they do something that makes no sense, devious reasons are imagined by conspiracy theorists, when in fact it may be due to plain old ignorance and incompetence.

It is true that by and large politicians (except me!) have no clue what is going on most of the time. Look at Gordon. Is that a man who knows what he is doing? Zackly.

What I don't know is where people get some of these crazy ideas from.
Boris is not a real toff. He never has been.
Sure, he talks the toff talk (no pun intended) but he wasn't born into a posh family like me or Hilary Benn. He's not even English! And he didn't even pay his school fees at Eton. Boris Johnson was a scholarship boy! No better than the riff raff that got a private education through the government assisted places scheme. I am so proud that I was part of the Labour Government that abolished those. Just because they're called "public" schools doesn't mean that everybody should be allowed to go there.

Labour believes in equality above all things. This means that all riff-raff should go to the same schools, not that some riff-raff start thinking that they are better than the others.

Back to Boris. His claim to pedigree is that he is the great grandson of some foreigner in a funny cap. Who? Exactly. There are no earls, dukes or countesses in the lineage of Boris The Great Pretender.

The Harriet Harman Guide to Survival

At least now after my lovely April Fool's prank, people are finally realising that this is not a spoof but Happy Harriet Harman's actual blog where Happy Harriet Harman blogs about what she's thinking.
Aye.
Was on Sky News yesterday morning.
Watch me admit my password was "Harriet Harman".
I wouldn't know that if I wasn't me, now would I?

There is a fool proof way to avoid interview hassle, you know. Just as there is a different one to blocking hostile, tough questions at PMQs.
Admit everything, act girly, bat eyelids - people will believe you're just a silly woman who doesn't understand teknologee.
They will then continually underestimate you and give you the upper hand, leaving them baffled, scratching their heads wondering how you manage to survive the political jungle.